Well folks, I've officially launched a new blog, check it out:
Beyond a Year in the Life
I decided I'd rather keep everything about my year at the Mount in its own place.
I'd like to thank everyone who has been behind me so far, and I hope you all follow my move to my new blog. It's a work in progress still, so bear with me while I make the transition!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
Well, it's official. I completed the Benedicta Riepp program. I not only survived a year in a monastery, I thrived. I enjoyed every second of it. I grew in leaps and bounds. I found a family of wonderful (and sometimes crazy) sisters to call my own. I experienced the world without ever leaving Erie. I struggled, I triumphed. I had my breakdowns, hit my walls and cried. I embraced changes and challenges. I'm proud of myself. I met God again, and have a better relationship than I ever could have imagined. My prayer turned into my very being, not just the pockets of time I spent in the chapel. My life had a rhythm and consistency. I rediscovered love for myself, for others, for God. I immersed myself 100% into the lives of the sisters, who opened up their home and their hearts to me so generously. I made strong relationships with women much older than me that will last a lifetime, the age difference didn't matter. I worked on my writing, sharing my experience with the whole world. I opened myself up to everything.
I've never done goodbyes very well. I know change is inevitable, it has to happen, but sometimes I just want to hold onto something a little longer. I loved my time at the Mount with the sisters so much, it was the hardest thing to do to walk out of those doors yesterday. I held it together pretty well until saying goodbye to my director and mentor out at the front door. They walked us in the day we arrived, they walked us out the day we left. I started to choke up during the hugs, with all the things they had to say. Part of me didn't walk to let go, knowing that was it, my time had come. As soon as I turned to walk to my car the tears came. I cried myself clear into New York and most of the way to Buffalo. I had to crank the music and sing my fool head off to get myself to stop. I barely had a voice left when I got home.
Most sisters only said "see you in a couple of weeks, have a good vacation home." because that's really all this is. I'll be back in Erie next week and back at the Mount for liturgy in two weeks. But it won't ever be the same. I won't be there sharing in their daily lives. I won't see my sisters every day, sharing dinner with them or just hanging out to watch the news. I'll miss that constant presence.
No matter what I'll always wish I had more time, another week or two, one more day. I'll always feel like I could have done something a little different, it's that over analytical part of my brain. But at the end of the day I lived it fully and truthfully. I loved every second of it.
I'll always have a home at the Mount, I know that. It's going to take awhile for me to adjust to the fact that I'm not living there anymore. Things will change, but I hope not too much. Right now it kind of feels like I'm only home for a little break and I'll still be heading back to the Mount when I return to Erie in a week. I don't think it will fully sink in until I'm sitting at the light on Buffalo road, coming off the 90, and I take a left turn instead of a right. Off to my new apartment, life with just Alyssa and I again (and my dog, in a few months) off to the next part of life.
I feel like my words can't do it justice, like nothing is going to really capture what's in my heart or head right now. I could never thank my sisters enough, every last one of you. You have profoundly touched my life, I'll never be the same, and I couldn't be more grateful. I couldn't ever tell my director or mentor exactly what they mean to me, for all they did for me this year. They helped really make this experience what it was for me, walking with me every step of the way.
Well, now that I have myself tearing up again, I think I'll take a break and throw in some photos. All of these are courtesy of Sister Charlotte:
I'll keep up the blog, but I'm going to take a week or two away. I need to figure out how I want to do this now. My journey isn't done, it's coming to a new beginning. There's still so much more to experience and to share.
I've never done goodbyes very well. I know change is inevitable, it has to happen, but sometimes I just want to hold onto something a little longer. I loved my time at the Mount with the sisters so much, it was the hardest thing to do to walk out of those doors yesterday. I held it together pretty well until saying goodbye to my director and mentor out at the front door. They walked us in the day we arrived, they walked us out the day we left. I started to choke up during the hugs, with all the things they had to say. Part of me didn't walk to let go, knowing that was it, my time had come. As soon as I turned to walk to my car the tears came. I cried myself clear into New York and most of the way to Buffalo. I had to crank the music and sing my fool head off to get myself to stop. I barely had a voice left when I got home.
Most sisters only said "see you in a couple of weeks, have a good vacation home." because that's really all this is. I'll be back in Erie next week and back at the Mount for liturgy in two weeks. But it won't ever be the same. I won't be there sharing in their daily lives. I won't see my sisters every day, sharing dinner with them or just hanging out to watch the news. I'll miss that constant presence.
No matter what I'll always wish I had more time, another week or two, one more day. I'll always feel like I could have done something a little different, it's that over analytical part of my brain. But at the end of the day I lived it fully and truthfully. I loved every second of it.
I'll always have a home at the Mount, I know that. It's going to take awhile for me to adjust to the fact that I'm not living there anymore. Things will change, but I hope not too much. Right now it kind of feels like I'm only home for a little break and I'll still be heading back to the Mount when I return to Erie in a week. I don't think it will fully sink in until I'm sitting at the light on Buffalo road, coming off the 90, and I take a left turn instead of a right. Off to my new apartment, life with just Alyssa and I again (and my dog, in a few months) off to the next part of life.
I feel like my words can't do it justice, like nothing is going to really capture what's in my heart or head right now. I could never thank my sisters enough, every last one of you. You have profoundly touched my life, I'll never be the same, and I couldn't be more grateful. I couldn't ever tell my director or mentor exactly what they mean to me, for all they did for me this year. They helped really make this experience what it was for me, walking with me every step of the way.
Well, now that I have myself tearing up again, I think I'll take a break and throw in some photos. All of these are courtesy of Sister Charlotte:
 | |
| Our commitment ceremony last year |
 | ||
| Receiving a blessing from the community at our farewell dinner |
 |
| Us with our director |
 |
| My mentor and I |
I'll keep up the blog, but I'm going to take a week or two away. I need to figure out how I want to do this now. My journey isn't done, it's coming to a new beginning. There's still so much more to experience and to share.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
What I've Learned
From the Kid's Cafe:
• You can change a child's entire day just by offering them a smile and a kind word
• You can never play too many games of mancala or cards
• There is no such thing as too much dessert or too much hot sauce on anything
• Never give up on a kid, no matter how impossible they may seem- they're the ones who need your love and support the most
• Even the toughest of kids is giddy when it's Christmas time
• Find the positive in every single negative situation, that's the message God is trying to deliver
From Saint Benedict's Education Center:
• There is beauty in every little accomplishment
• Nothing is impossible if you want it and work for it
• No matter how unskilled you might think you are as a teacher, there is something you can share with everyone that will change them for the better and no doubt change you for the better too
From the Food Pantry/Soup Kitchen:
• Be grateful for what you have everyday, whether it's a roof over your head, food on the table, people who care about you, or just the fact that you got up that morning
• There is no room to complain about life when people with next to nothing greet you in the morning with a smile and not a complaint in the world
• It's not all about seeing the result of your work everyday, there is deep satisfaction in knowing that every little thing you do helps, even if it's just doing dishes, sweeping the storage room or cleaning the stove
From working around the grounds:
• There is something rewarding about working with your hands
• Sweat equals a job well done, and blisters on your hands are just a bonus
• There is such a thing as too hot, but that's nothing a bottle of cold water dumped on your head can't fix
• Every little job matters and it's never overlooked, everything is appreciated
• Treat every tool you touch and every tree or flower you trim as something sacred and you'll find the beauty in every job
From the Infirmary sisters:
• There is no such thing as being too old for anything, I hope to be 90+ and still using the stairs, walking all over the place, and giving everyone around me a good laugh
• Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is a few minutes of your time and a warm smile
• You have to laugh at life, no exceptions
• Roll with it- so what if someone has asked you the same question 20 times in the last half an hour? Answer it with a little more enthusiasm each time
From the sisters in general:
• Age is a state of mind- people can get along marvelously whether you're 5 years apart or 50+
• There is no such thing as too many people in your family, I have almost 100 new additions to mine and I love them all dearly
• Being generous with your time or your energy will always pay you back a million times over
• You never quite know how you might touch someone's life, just by being you
From Benedict:
• You hear better with your heart than with your ears, but you need both to really know the world
• There is something soothing about a daily rhythm
• It's possible to find God in the daily and to live spiritually always
• Quiet time with God and yourself is vital
• There is always room to be flexible
• In all things may God be glorified
From my mentor:
• People love me, care about me and are there for me no matter what, even if I slip up
• There really is almost nothing better you can give a person than to be there for them, to listen and figure out things in life
• It's ok to be serious, but know when to laugh and have fun too
• Life is a little bit easier when you have good people by your side, you shouldn't have to face things alone
From my director:
• Present moment, wonderful moment.
• It's almost impossible to go overboard when you're trying to butter up someone who loves sweets
• It's OK to lose a game, just accept the fact that you're not going to hear the end of it until the next time you lose
• God is crazy about me, I need to love and believe in myself just the same
• There is something to learn in every situation and if you can't find it you might be looking too hard- relax and let God take over
And I could go on and on. I could never say enough about how much this year has meant to me, how much I've grown, how much I've learned, how much I'm a better person for having been here, sharing a part of my life with these sisters and all the people I've ministered to and how they've shared their lives with me. We've been mutual blessings to each other, and I'm happy the journey isn't over yet. Yes, I'll be leaving this program in just over a week's time, but this place will always be a part of me. What a gift :)
• You can change a child's entire day just by offering them a smile and a kind word
• You can never play too many games of mancala or cards
• There is no such thing as too much dessert or too much hot sauce on anything
• Never give up on a kid, no matter how impossible they may seem- they're the ones who need your love and support the most
• Even the toughest of kids is giddy when it's Christmas time
• Find the positive in every single negative situation, that's the message God is trying to deliver
From Saint Benedict's Education Center:
• There is beauty in every little accomplishment
• Nothing is impossible if you want it and work for it
• No matter how unskilled you might think you are as a teacher, there is something you can share with everyone that will change them for the better and no doubt change you for the better too
From the Food Pantry/Soup Kitchen:
• Be grateful for what you have everyday, whether it's a roof over your head, food on the table, people who care about you, or just the fact that you got up that morning
• There is no room to complain about life when people with next to nothing greet you in the morning with a smile and not a complaint in the world
• It's not all about seeing the result of your work everyday, there is deep satisfaction in knowing that every little thing you do helps, even if it's just doing dishes, sweeping the storage room or cleaning the stove
From working around the grounds:
• There is something rewarding about working with your hands
• Sweat equals a job well done, and blisters on your hands are just a bonus
• There is such a thing as too hot, but that's nothing a bottle of cold water dumped on your head can't fix
• Every little job matters and it's never overlooked, everything is appreciated
• Treat every tool you touch and every tree or flower you trim as something sacred and you'll find the beauty in every job
From the Infirmary sisters:
• There is no such thing as being too old for anything, I hope to be 90+ and still using the stairs, walking all over the place, and giving everyone around me a good laugh
• Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is a few minutes of your time and a warm smile
• You have to laugh at life, no exceptions
• Roll with it- so what if someone has asked you the same question 20 times in the last half an hour? Answer it with a little more enthusiasm each time
From the sisters in general:
• Age is a state of mind- people can get along marvelously whether you're 5 years apart or 50+
• There is no such thing as too many people in your family, I have almost 100 new additions to mine and I love them all dearly
• Being generous with your time or your energy will always pay you back a million times over
• You never quite know how you might touch someone's life, just by being you
From Benedict:
• You hear better with your heart than with your ears, but you need both to really know the world
• There is something soothing about a daily rhythm
• It's possible to find God in the daily and to live spiritually always
• Quiet time with God and yourself is vital
• There is always room to be flexible
• In all things may God be glorified
From my mentor:
• People love me, care about me and are there for me no matter what, even if I slip up
• There really is almost nothing better you can give a person than to be there for them, to listen and figure out things in life
• It's ok to be serious, but know when to laugh and have fun too
• Life is a little bit easier when you have good people by your side, you shouldn't have to face things alone
From my director:
• Present moment, wonderful moment.
• It's almost impossible to go overboard when you're trying to butter up someone who loves sweets
• It's OK to lose a game, just accept the fact that you're not going to hear the end of it until the next time you lose
• God is crazy about me, I need to love and believe in myself just the same
• There is something to learn in every situation and if you can't find it you might be looking too hard- relax and let God take over
And I could go on and on. I could never say enough about how much this year has meant to me, how much I've grown, how much I've learned, how much I'm a better person for having been here, sharing a part of my life with these sisters and all the people I've ministered to and how they've shared their lives with me. We've been mutual blessings to each other, and I'm happy the journey isn't over yet. Yes, I'll be leaving this program in just over a week's time, but this place will always be a part of me. What a gift :)
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Documenting Your Life
It's an interesting thing, to have spent a whole year documenting as much as I can about my life. What's most interesting to me is going back and reading some of what I've had to say. Between my blog and my journal, there's a lot to see.
I had this question posed by my director a couple of weeks ago in a meeting: how have you changed since you arrived here? I told her I wasn't really sure how to word it, that I could feel that I'd changed and that people have told me they've seen a change in me. But then the idea hit me to go back and read to see who I was then and compare it to who I am now.
My first blog post was a year ago today, I can't even begin to describe how crazy that feels, to know a year ago this moment I was sitting at home on my couch, typing away, anticipating what was to come in just 33 days. It's not a year later, and I'm astounded at how fast it has gone. Part of me is still amazed that I'm even here, and that I lived this experience.
And look at what I had to say! I was worried about the money, that turned out to be a very valid concern as I've battled that issue between my own personal funds and my impending student loan payments practically since the moment I got here. But, everything worked out much better than I ever anticipated. Imagine that.
My other concerns didn't pan out to be issues at all once I was here and into it. It was almost seamless for me to move in with and become a part of this community. I've never once felt like an outsider or like I wasn't a major part of everything. The age difference didn't seem to exist, as one sister put it "you two are ageless, you just work well with everyone." What a compliment!
Being further from home than ever turned out to not be so bad, my family was able to come visit me a couple of times, and I made a couple of trips home. I miss my family, I miss my dog and my friends from home, but I've found a place where I belong here in Erie. I'm close enough to home that visits have been decently easy. And clearly living down here hasn't bothered me much if I'm moving into an apartment down here in a couple of weeks. I mean it when I say I feel like I have a family here too, these women are here to support me and be there for me if I ever need anything. I'm sure it has to make my mom feel better about her oldest child moving away :)
So this sounds too much like a wrap up, like I'm signing off at the end of this wild year as it draws to a close in less than two weeks now. But it's not, I promise. There's still more fun to be had here in the last week and a half, and I plan on writing about all of it, these last days are some of the most important, I want to capture all I can.
And I don't think I'll stop writing when this year draws to a close. Why not keep it up, it's not like I'm done growing and learning as soon as I walk out of these doors. Now the challenge will be seeing how I take all of this and use it in my day-to-day life back outside of these walls.
I've had too much fun keeping this blog and sharing this part of my life with everyone. It's still amazing to me that so many people read this and that I've had so many visitors come up to me and say "It's nice to finally meet you, I've been reading about you all year." I'm grateful to my readers for hanging in there with me, supporting me and praying for me all this time. Thank you, a million times over :)
I had this question posed by my director a couple of weeks ago in a meeting: how have you changed since you arrived here? I told her I wasn't really sure how to word it, that I could feel that I'd changed and that people have told me they've seen a change in me. But then the idea hit me to go back and read to see who I was then and compare it to who I am now.
My first blog post was a year ago today, I can't even begin to describe how crazy that feels, to know a year ago this moment I was sitting at home on my couch, typing away, anticipating what was to come in just 33 days. It's not a year later, and I'm astounded at how fast it has gone. Part of me is still amazed that I'm even here, and that I lived this experience.
And look at what I had to say! I was worried about the money, that turned out to be a very valid concern as I've battled that issue between my own personal funds and my impending student loan payments practically since the moment I got here. But, everything worked out much better than I ever anticipated. Imagine that.
My other concerns didn't pan out to be issues at all once I was here and into it. It was almost seamless for me to move in with and become a part of this community. I've never once felt like an outsider or like I wasn't a major part of everything. The age difference didn't seem to exist, as one sister put it "you two are ageless, you just work well with everyone." What a compliment!
Being further from home than ever turned out to not be so bad, my family was able to come visit me a couple of times, and I made a couple of trips home. I miss my family, I miss my dog and my friends from home, but I've found a place where I belong here in Erie. I'm close enough to home that visits have been decently easy. And clearly living down here hasn't bothered me much if I'm moving into an apartment down here in a couple of weeks. I mean it when I say I feel like I have a family here too, these women are here to support me and be there for me if I ever need anything. I'm sure it has to make my mom feel better about her oldest child moving away :)
So this sounds too much like a wrap up, like I'm signing off at the end of this wild year as it draws to a close in less than two weeks now. But it's not, I promise. There's still more fun to be had here in the last week and a half, and I plan on writing about all of it, these last days are some of the most important, I want to capture all I can.
And I don't think I'll stop writing when this year draws to a close. Why not keep it up, it's not like I'm done growing and learning as soon as I walk out of these doors. Now the challenge will be seeing how I take all of this and use it in my day-to-day life back outside of these walls.
I've had too much fun keeping this blog and sharing this part of my life with everyone. It's still amazing to me that so many people read this and that I've had so many visitors come up to me and say "It's nice to finally meet you, I've been reading about you all year." I'm grateful to my readers for hanging in there with me, supporting me and praying for me all this time. Thank you, a million times over :)
Monday, July 9, 2012
A Photo-A-Day
Wise words spoken by my director today as we stood in the mildly slow-moving lunch line: "There are many virtues to be learned this year, patience is one of them."
Is it ever. Last night I was putting the finishing touches on a post when I accidentally clicked on the wrong button and lost everything. I was particularly annoyed because I had spent a couple of days working on it off and on and was super frustrated because it was a stupid mistake that caused me to lose it.
So, here it is again, as best as I can remember it. And maybe it'll turn out better the 2nd time around. I'd like to think that at least :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've recently succumbed to a growing fad I've been noticing on Facebook. I have a friend/OSB oblate to thank for pulling me into this because I've been seeing it on my news feed daily for the last couple of months.
It's called the Photo-A-Day challenge, and it's exactly what it sounds like. At the beginning of the month, a list of prompts is posted giving you a different subject to photograph every day of the month. There are no rules, just to enjoy it and unleash your creative side a little bit.
I've really been enjoying participating in the challenge this month as it's making me take more notice of what's around me everyday as I search for the perfect photo to capture the day's prompt. I've always loved photography, so this is really fun for me. I'm only using the camera on my phone, nothing fancy, and an app on my phone called Instagram so I can add a little color boost to my photos and make them look a little more artsy.
This is something I wish I'd known about when I started this a year ago. Documenting my year in a photo a day would have been really interesting. It's something totally different from a blog or my journal, to capture what I'm seeing and physically experiencing, not just what I'm thinking and feeling.
Anywho, here's my Photo-A-Day July so far, maybe I'll throw in a few more photos later on into the month :)
Is it ever. Last night I was putting the finishing touches on a post when I accidentally clicked on the wrong button and lost everything. I was particularly annoyed because I had spent a couple of days working on it off and on and was super frustrated because it was a stupid mistake that caused me to lose it.
So, here it is again, as best as I can remember it. And maybe it'll turn out better the 2nd time around. I'd like to think that at least :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've recently succumbed to a growing fad I've been noticing on Facebook. I have a friend/OSB oblate to thank for pulling me into this because I've been seeing it on my news feed daily for the last couple of months.
It's called the Photo-A-Day challenge, and it's exactly what it sounds like. At the beginning of the month, a list of prompts is posted giving you a different subject to photograph every day of the month. There are no rules, just to enjoy it and unleash your creative side a little bit.
I've really been enjoying participating in the challenge this month as it's making me take more notice of what's around me everyday as I search for the perfect photo to capture the day's prompt. I've always loved photography, so this is really fun for me. I'm only using the camera on my phone, nothing fancy, and an app on my phone called Instagram so I can add a little color boost to my photos and make them look a little more artsy.
This is something I wish I'd known about when I started this a year ago. Documenting my year in a photo a day would have been really interesting. It's something totally different from a blog or my journal, to capture what I'm seeing and physically experiencing, not just what I'm thinking and feeling.
Anywho, here's my Photo-A-Day July so far, maybe I'll throw in a few more photos later on into the month :)
 | |
| Day 1: Self Portrait |
 |
| Day 2: Busy |
 | |
| Day 3: Best part of Your Day |
 |
| Day 4: Fun! |
 |
| Day 5: On the Floor |
 |
| Day 6: Chair |
 |
| Day 7: Garden |
Thursday, July 5, 2012
How to Have the Perfect 4th of July
In just 10 easy steps:
1: Start off with storms in the morning that turn into a beautiful sunny afternoon, just to make you appreciate the nice weather a little more.
2: Add a community movie complete with snacks.
3: Throw in some board games in the sun, while everyone passes around two snack sized bags of chips.
4: Grill dinner to perfection, enjoy with a cold beer.
5: Drive around town to find some fireworks....sit behind a McDonald's to watch said fireworks (but first wait over a half hour for them to start.)
6: Drive back home, with everyone acting foolish in the car on the way.
7: Realize you're locked out because out of the 4 brilliant adults who went out together, not one thought to bring a key to get back in.
8: Creep around the monastery looking for signs that anyone anywhere is awake and able to let you in.
9: Play charades for 5 minutes trying to get the person inside to understand you're locked out and not just wearing glow bracelets and dancing outside at 11pm for their entertainment.
10: Sparklers magically appear- light and enjoy!
That's it in a nutshell. Your results may vary, but mine turned out pretty sweet :)
1: Start off with storms in the morning that turn into a beautiful sunny afternoon, just to make you appreciate the nice weather a little more.
2: Add a community movie complete with snacks.
3: Throw in some board games in the sun, while everyone passes around two snack sized bags of chips.
4: Grill dinner to perfection, enjoy with a cold beer.
5: Drive around town to find some fireworks....sit behind a McDonald's to watch said fireworks (but first wait over a half hour for them to start.)
6: Drive back home, with everyone acting foolish in the car on the way.
7: Realize you're locked out because out of the 4 brilliant adults who went out together, not one thought to bring a key to get back in.
8: Creep around the monastery looking for signs that anyone anywhere is awake and able to let you in.
9: Play charades for 5 minutes trying to get the person inside to understand you're locked out and not just wearing glow bracelets and dancing outside at 11pm for their entertainment.
10: Sparklers magically appear- light and enjoy!
That's it in a nutshell. Your results may vary, but mine turned out pretty sweet :)
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Time Flies
Highlights of my afternoon yesterday working with the sisters upstairs:
I spent about an hour and a half walking around outside with a sister who I've shared many mealtime discussions with, but I haven't often had the opportunity to just spend time with her one-on-one. I bumped into her in the hallway and saw she was heading outside for a bit and asked if I could join her. We spent the whole time chatting and picking some flowers. I happened to mention that lilies and daisies are my favorites so it was her mission to find me some good ones to put in my room. She told me a couple of times during our walk how nice it was to share the time with me and that it would be a happy memory for her of my time here.Then she took me upstairs to her room to show me a couple of pictures. I was so thankful for the special time spent with her.
I've written before about one sister in particular from the infirmary who I love to spend time with as you never quite know what to expect from her next. I spent the rest of my afternoon with her, most of that time we were sitting on a bench in the front of the house, watching the cars go by and chatting. She usually has the same list of questions she throws at me every 10 minutes or so "What's your name? Are you a sister? Do you live here? Do you have a family? Where are you from?" and she can go on and on. I was asking her a lot of questions yesterday too, and one of our conversations went a little something like this:
"Sister, what did you do today?"
"Nothin'."
"Really? Not one thing? Did you eat breakfast?"
"Well sure."
"Did you go to morning prayer?"
"Of course."
"Did you have lunch today?"
"I'd say so."
"Did you visit the Blessed Mother in the woods?"
"Mmhmm."
"Sounds like you did a lot to me."
"Nah."
Or this, as she was looking at my shoes and grabbing at my foot:
"Did you buy those shoes?"
"Yes Sister, I did."
"Must have cost a fortune with all that color on them."
"Not really. Did you buy your shoes?"
"Of course I did!! What do you think I did?? Make them myself??"
You can't beat her logic. You just can't.
As I'm heading into my last month in this program, I know it's the little things like this that I'm going to be grasping onto most. It's the little moments spent talking with a sister, going for a walk, sharing a meal, joking and laughing, playing a game or two, or just hanging around that I'm going to need the most in the next few weeks. Those are the things I'll miss most too once I'm gone. Sure, I'll only be 10 minutes up the road, and I'll be here every Sunday and I'm sure there will be visits in between now and then. But it just won't be the same when I'm not living here. While I'm trying my best to keep myself focused on today, not tomorrow, next week or next month, the part of my life that is waiting for me on the other side of this is practically staring me in the face and trying to get my attention already.
All the more reason to enjoy these little moments a little extra right now, while they're still here. And to pray, like I have every single day since I walked into these doors, that I can stay attentive to the present and to what is right in front of me. This period of my life won't last forever, it's rapidly drawing to a close, but I've still got today and another month to go. It's not over 'til I'm out the door and onto the next, but until then I'm happy and thankful to be right where I am.
I spent about an hour and a half walking around outside with a sister who I've shared many mealtime discussions with, but I haven't often had the opportunity to just spend time with her one-on-one. I bumped into her in the hallway and saw she was heading outside for a bit and asked if I could join her. We spent the whole time chatting and picking some flowers. I happened to mention that lilies and daisies are my favorites so it was her mission to find me some good ones to put in my room. She told me a couple of times during our walk how nice it was to share the time with me and that it would be a happy memory for her of my time here.Then she took me upstairs to her room to show me a couple of pictures. I was so thankful for the special time spent with her.
I've written before about one sister in particular from the infirmary who I love to spend time with as you never quite know what to expect from her next. I spent the rest of my afternoon with her, most of that time we were sitting on a bench in the front of the house, watching the cars go by and chatting. She usually has the same list of questions she throws at me every 10 minutes or so "What's your name? Are you a sister? Do you live here? Do you have a family? Where are you from?" and she can go on and on. I was asking her a lot of questions yesterday too, and one of our conversations went a little something like this:
"Sister, what did you do today?"
"Nothin'."
"Really? Not one thing? Did you eat breakfast?"
"Well sure."
"Did you go to morning prayer?"
"Of course."
"Did you have lunch today?"
"I'd say so."
"Did you visit the Blessed Mother in the woods?"
"Mmhmm."
"Sounds like you did a lot to me."
"Nah."
Or this, as she was looking at my shoes and grabbing at my foot:
"Did you buy those shoes?"
"Yes Sister, I did."
"Must have cost a fortune with all that color on them."
"Not really. Did you buy your shoes?"
"Of course I did!! What do you think I did?? Make them myself??"
You can't beat her logic. You just can't.
As I'm heading into my last month in this program, I know it's the little things like this that I'm going to be grasping onto most. It's the little moments spent talking with a sister, going for a walk, sharing a meal, joking and laughing, playing a game or two, or just hanging around that I'm going to need the most in the next few weeks. Those are the things I'll miss most too once I'm gone. Sure, I'll only be 10 minutes up the road, and I'll be here every Sunday and I'm sure there will be visits in between now and then. But it just won't be the same when I'm not living here. While I'm trying my best to keep myself focused on today, not tomorrow, next week or next month, the part of my life that is waiting for me on the other side of this is practically staring me in the face and trying to get my attention already.
All the more reason to enjoy these little moments a little extra right now, while they're still here. And to pray, like I have every single day since I walked into these doors, that I can stay attentive to the present and to what is right in front of me. This period of my life won't last forever, it's rapidly drawing to a close, but I've still got today and another month to go. It's not over 'til I'm out the door and onto the next, but until then I'm happy and thankful to be right where I am.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)