Grown Up Problems

I've decided that one of my least favorite things is having to make a major decision.

Maybe I'm really having a love/hate relationship with being an adult. That's also possible.

I'm just not a fan of having a massive decision in front of me, with a multitude of reasons for or against either side of the decision. Having it feel like my brain is in 15 places at once drives me bonkers.

That's right, bonkers.

I know the value in discernment, I always have. But trust me, I've learned it extra well since coming here. My decision even to be here was a massive one. Huge odds against me but even more to gain by just jumping for it. And look how right I was, it's all been worth it. Ups, downs and all.

But here I am, with two very difficult issues I'm trying to tackle, and I'm beyond overwhelmed. But, I have people to help me. My mom, best friend, mentor and director- all trying to help me think and clear up the jumbled mess that has been my head.

But it's still a lot to think about, and any decision is mine alone. That's daunting.

A few weeks ago, I saw this little wooden decoration that says "It's All Good" and I bought it for myself. I need that reminder, almost constantly. Like it should be stamped on the back of my hand, so I can always look down and remind myself that it's all good, all shall be well.

Actually, I have numerous things all over my room that are there to remind me of that. Psalm 62 is on my mirror, it takes up a huge corner of it: "My hope comes from God who is my rock and my salvation...trust God at all times." I have a card on another corner of my mirror that says "Don't Quit" at the top and goes on with a little encouraging poem. There's a little plaque on my dresser "Keep believing in yourself-- every goal that has ever been reached began with just one step and the belief that it could be attained... believe in yourself and remember that I believe in you too."

All of these were gifts, given to me at various times this year when I felt like I was losing it. And here they are, still telling me what I still need to hear, all these months later.

Anyway, here I am. Probably way better off than I come across in this post. I've got time to figure a few things out. And above all I trust that no matter what happens, I'll make the right decision, even if it doesn't seem like it right away. Everything always works out in the end. I have faith in that. If I didn't, this year wouldn't be happening. I need to remember that more often. See what happens when you put your faith wholly into something, even when a thousand things are going against you? Like God is up there going "See?? I told you so!!!"

God wouldn't ever bring me to something I couldn't get through. That's a fact.