Home Sweet Home

I'm home for the first time since August, and it feels great! As I write this, my dog is curled up next to me, so I'm pretty happy :)

Christmas at the Mount was absolutely wonderful, I can't begin to put it into words. The celebrations at Liturgy, singing in Schola, dancing around the tree, giving and receiving such wonderful gifts, it was all pretty amazing. A couple Sisters asked me on Saturday and Sunday if it was hard being away from my family. I said yes, to an extent- I would see them in the evening Christmas day, which made it easier. Plus, I didn't feel like I was entirely away from family, being there with the Sisters feels pretty darn home-like to me. But it is nice to be spending a few days back in New York, seeing some family and friends that I haven't seen in months.

I probably won't update again until next week when I'm back at the Mount. But in the meantime I'll leave you with this prayer I found last year, and stumbled upon again today while looking around on my computer. Enjoy!

Dear God,
When the day is too busy and the voices too loud, when there is too much on my mind and too little in my heart, when I plan too much for tomorrow and explain too much about yesterday, when I have hidden my true feelings inside and then complained of being lonely and misunderstood, be my good shepherd and my friend.

Gather up my jangled nerves, my tensed muscles, my anxious and fluttering heart.  Send life pulsing through me like an irresistible flood.

But show me how to be quiet, too.  Teach me to be still.  In deep stillness let me rest.  Let silence surround me like a friend, calming me and instructing me with deeper wisdom from within.

When my day is too busy and the voices are all too loud, be my good shepherd and my friend.

Amen

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"

I know I said Christmas was in the air in my last post, but now I really mean it. 'Tis that time of year once again, and Christmas is almost in full swing at the Mount.

Wednesday night I helped in making pizzelle cookies for the first time, and I had a wonderful teacher. They were really fun to make, and we made a ton.

Last night was the trimming of the tree. We have an absolutely mammoth tree in the community room. It's super tall and really thick and full. It's so tall, in fact, it required Alyssa and I up on scaffolding to decorate the top half of it. Quite the experience, let me just say. After the tree was all decorated, we had prayer in the community room, blessed the tree, and sang plenty of carols.

Following the tree celebration, we then frosted and sprinkled dozens and dozens of cut-out cookies, and got to sample any casualties that broke in half in the process. They were really yummy. But even after all that, the decorating was nowhere near done.

Alyssa and I then helped put up another tree and a few decorations in the tv room down one of the halls. And even then, we weren't done. Our director requested our assistance in decorating the lounge down here hallway, which we were more than happy to help with. We put up another tree, strung up some purple lights and hung purple bulbs from the ceiling. It's a really cute set-up. After all that, we relaxed for a bit to admire our handiwork and chat for awhile.

So, in total, I helped with 3 separate trees and spent about 4 hours decorating, celebrating, and getting into the Christmas spirit. I just love this time of year :)

And I'm getting absolutely giddy because I'll be heading home and seeing my family in just 2 more days. I haven't been home since I moved here back in August, so I'm super excited. It'll be good spending a week seeing my family, some friends, and snuggling with my dog. Pray the weather cooperates for me on Sunday so I can make it home!!

I hope everyone has a very blessed Christmas, enjoy!!

(sorry the photos are a little blurry, they're from my phone!)

Alyssa with our mammoth tree to show you how huge it really is

Tree #2

 

 

 

 

 

Tree #3 :)

The huge manger set up in the community room

Christmas is in the Air

And on the ground in the form of snow- at least for the moment being. It finally snowed a decent amount this weekend and stuck! Nothing like snow to put you in the mood for Christmas, except for the fact that it's supposed to jump back up into the 40's and rain this week. But whatever, I'm basking in it while I can.

Another thing guaranteed to put you into the Christmas spirit would be the Christmas store at the Kid's Cafe which we had on Saturday. The Christmas store is put on every year so that the kids in our program can come and shop for themselves and for their families. All the presents are donated to us, and we had everything you could think of. We had nice, big presents for our kids to pick out one for themselves, and then they had 6 more presents they could chose for anyone in their family. We had gifts for mom, dad, grandparents, older sibling, younger siblings. You name it, we had it there at some point. I was in absolute awe of the number of gifts we had laid out on all the tables, and it was all really good, quality stuff that was donated.

My job was to help the kids around the store to pick out gifts for everyone on their list. They were so excited to pick out their own gift, but even more excited once I started to ask who else they wanted to shop for. They were so proud to shop for gifts for their family members. After they were done with me they were taken to another room where volunteers were writing up gift tags and then wrapping everything up for the kids before they left.

It was an amazing experience, and not half as chaotic as I was expecting. Having 70+ kids shop for Christmas sounds like it would be a fiasco, but we were very organized, and the kids were better behaved than I've ever witnessed on a normal day. Nothing like Christmas to put everyone into a great mood  :)

I wish I had some pictures to post! If I happen to get any in the near future from anyone, I'll be sure to put some up!

Advent Reflections

Christmas is coming, and I can't believe how fast! I feel like I just got here, there is no way the time is flying this fast. When the temperatures feel more like October than mid-December, it makes it extra hard to believe Christmas is only 9 days away.

I really love Advent and I've never really appreciated it so much until this year. I'm appreciating it so much thanks in part to a little book of daily Advent readings and reflections that we were all given a few weeks ago. Everyday has a little reading and reflection on Scripture and then poses a question or topic for you to reflect on. It's been really nice sitting with this book and actually writing out my reflections in my journal.

These little reflections have really been so insightful for me, I wanted to share a few of them here. I'll do one of my favorites today, and maybe a couple more next week.

• What issues and concerns most test your patience? Reconsider how you respond and how you view the situation in question.

I have been struggling with my ministries recently, in different ways. I'm not a teacher, that's not what I studied in school, so I've found it really hard to hit a rhythm as a teacher with the refugees. I find myself really losing patience some days and getting frustrated.

But then I have moments where I can see them getting it. Or I have a situation like I did on Tuesday this week when I asked my class "How are you today?" I had one woman say, with the biggest smile "I am happy today, I am learning english, and I am reading a book, this makes me happy."

How's that for popping my perspective back into place? Thanks God, message received: be patient and understand how much of a struggle this is for them, way more than it is for you. I'm gifting them with an increased ability to read, speak and understand English. They are gifting me with a complete change on my perspective and a new level of understanding and patience.

At the Kid's Cafe I've found the last couple of weeks to be a real struggle. It's a lot to do with this time of year, that the kids are more amped up and mouthier than ever. My patience has been tested day after day  usually by the same handful of kids. They know how to push people's buttons, and man are they experts at it.

When I find myself ready to snap, I try to stop and remember what these kids are coming from, and it brings my frustation way down. They aren't mad at me, they don't hate me, I'm just the one they are taking their anger and frustration out on. What they are dealing with is bigger than them being upset with me because I asked them to stop running.

Many of them only know attention as negative, so who cares if I'm yelling or putting them on the time-out bench for the millionth time, I'm paying attention to them. I rejoice in every positive interaction I have with them, because they far outweigh the bad moments. The goal is to turn every would be blow up into a postive moment, we disarm them with kindness. They have no idea how to react. It disfuses their anger and builds on our positive relationship. Again, they are teaching me how to be more patient, and how to analyze the greater picture before I take anything to heart. They remind me that there is always a positive moment to be found in any situation, and each day is a new start.

If I hadn't sat with the reflection book, I really doubt I would have pulled so much positive energy out of the things I've been struggling with. It's a reminder to always think before I respond to any situation, good or bad, and to look at these struggles through the eyes of the other person.

"We do not live in the moment, we live in the next moment...we are in a constant hurry, yet we do not get very far...we are defeated by what is not rather than inspired by what could be."

"The Lord be with you."

Quiz time! The proper response is:

a) "and also with you."
b) "and with your spirit."
c) "and also......oh shoot!- withyourspirit"


If you said b, you'd be correct. If you said c, you've attended liturgy at the Mount sometime in the last 3 weeks :)

I'm sure the adjustments to the new Roman Missal translations are a struggle for Catholics everywhere. As one Sister put it to me today, the responses have been the same for an eternity, it's a hard adjustment when you're so used to just responding from the heart and now you're expected to read it from a paper.

I get it, I get it. It's a big adjustment. I've only been doing this stuff for a couple of years now, and I'm finding it difficult to adjust. I've caught myself starting with the old responses if I'm not thinking really hard about it before my mouth opens.

It's extra comical when our congregation here gets a friendly reminder from our liturgist every Sunday "Please note, the new responses are printed here for you. Read them." And wouldn't you know it, as soon as she compliments the class on doing a decent job with it last week, we revert back about 5 steps this morning. I'll give an "A" for effort though.

But everyone is in good spirits about it, we're only human after all, mistakes happen. You can catch most of the chapel giggling every time we all collectively flub our response. Old habits are hard to break.

A little more studying, a bit more practice, and we'll get our responses right. Maybe even by Easter :)

Green Thumb

I've never really kept plants. I've had bamboo plants off and on since I was a kid, but those barely count. They're really low maintenance and seem to be able to last forever even when you put them up on a high shelf and forget to water them for weeks on end (ummm...not that I've done that or anything.)

I've always been really impressed with people who garden and/or keep their own personal jungle of plants, indoor trees and flowers alive and thriving in their homes. I've always wanted a few plants of my own, but aside from the bamboo, I've never really gotten into it.

Until now, anyway.

I bought myself a bamboo plant a few weeks before I moved down here. Why not start with the ol' tried and true? A couple of weeks after moving in I decided I wouldn't mind another one to brighten up the room a little bit. So the next time I found myself at the store, I was moseying through the garden area looking for a friend for the bamboo. I found a cute little plant  but I have no idea what it's called, the little tag in the dirt didn't say anything besides "easy to care for house plant!" -- perfect for me. A few weeks later I bought one more plant, I had a spot on the table next to the armchair in my room, so I picked out a snake plant which is decently easy to care for.

The night of our commitment ceremony Alyssa and I were each given a beautiful, flowering, thriving African Violet. It came with a care sheet that proved not to be entirely helpful because both of us managed to bring these poor little violets to the brink of death before checking them into the African Violet ER managed by one of the Sisters here at the Mount (no, I'm not kidding). She's a miracle worker, and after a few weeks of care, our violets were ready for discharge (at which time we received an email stating they were ready to come home, good as new, and had been asking for us-- how cute?)

Since the violets were released, Alyssa and I have taken turns keeping both in our rooms as we were informed they really like having a friend around and do a little better that way. We joke that we each get custody every other week. We were taught how to properly water them, which was the ultimate diagnosis of why they almost died in the first place. They were getting watered too much and we weren't watering them from the bottom in a dish like they need.

Now, I'm getting into this whole tangent because 1- it's been a slow news week and I've had a hard time coming up with something worth posting about (that would be why there was no post Monday) and 2- Alyssa's violet has three little flowers beginning to bud, and mine appears to have one tiny bud making it's way out of the dirt.

Success!!! I don't think I've been so happy to see little flower buds in my life....except maybe after a particularly brutal winter. But these are extra exciting, because we worked hard carefully caring for these plants, waiting patiently for the flowers to return. And both of the plants look better than ever, even though they are still lacking flowers for the moment.

How appropriate that this is happening in Advent, the season of patiently waiting, tending to the needs of our world, preparing to welcome a source of great joy. The birth of Jesus is barely comparable to our little violets finally sprouting new life in terms of magnitude, but a metaphor is a metaphor. It's kind of amazing how sitting here on a reflection day, spending a couple of hours of reading, writing and reflecting on this season can turn something as simple as a flower blooming into a profound moment.

Watch, wait, listen, find God in the moment. Happen Advent everyone :)

My trusty bamboo plant

The mystery plant

My fussy snake plant

The violet twins, with Alyssa's with it's little pink bud on the right

December?

Last I checked, November was just beginning. What's the deal?

It's been an average week for me, which I'm coming to learn means that I'm under the weather yet again. I woke up Tuesday with just a tickle in my throat, sometime in the middle of the night. By the time I got out of bed to get ready, it was definitely something more than a tickle. By lunch time I was ready to drop. Headache, raging sore throat, an earache, everything ached and I had that feeling like my head was submerged in a fish bowl.

Seriously? Where does this junk keep coming from?

I made it through my work day, feeling like a bit of a space cadet the whole time. When I got home from work, I got right into a pair of comfy pants and crawled into bed. Alyssa proceeded to give me some nyquil, and I was out like a light. I slept from 5:30pm on Tuesday until 10 the next morning, waking up every 2 hours or so to roll over, look at the clock, and groggily question my sanity (it was the germs talking). I did actually get out of bed somewhere around 7am Wednesday to call my mentor and tell her work was sadly not about to happen. Upon hearing my voice she agreed, and told me to call in to my jobs, and get the heck back in bed.

It's Friday, and I'm feeling quite a bit better. Two days straight in bed sleeping as much as possible helped, but my throat and ears are still giving me a hard time. We'll see how long this one decides to hang on for.

And I hate missing work, and prayer, and being quarantined in my room for a couple of days everytime I'm sick. It drives me absolutely bonkers. I've never gotten sick like this in my life. I'll usually get a couple of bad colds a year, but this is crazy.

I better have the best immune system on the planet when this is all said and done, or I'm going to be so ticked.

Thanksgiving Blessings

As it was put yesterday at lunch: "So...you survived your first major holiday at the Mount. Congratulations."

It was really a great week and weekend, spent with my family and my Sisters. My grandparents from Tennessee came up to visit, as did my Mom, her fiance and my brother and sister. I was so excited to see everyone, and to have them here with me. I love sharing this place with people.

It was nice just to see my family, especially my grandparents who I only get to see a couple of times a year. We had a great Thanksgiving dinner (and I'm sure my mom was just happy she didn't have to cook or do dishes after!) and had fun just hanging out with each other. We also got into a ridiculous game of Mad Gab Thursday night that I wish could have been filmed, because it was priceless.

I've had a few days to think about what I'm most thankful for. My family and all their support and love. The Sisters and all they're doing for me. Both of the above for challenging me and supporting me. The refugees and kids I work with everyday who've helped me look at my life in a new light. I'm thankful for everything my Mom has done to get me where I am. I'm thankful for my best friend who is with me every step of the way. I'm thankful for my mentor and our program director, both for keeping me laughing, thinking, questioning and humble. I'm thankful for this opportunity to learn and grow.

I'm thankful, above all else, to be so blessed.

Sneaky Sneaky

I'm beginning to believe (at least half jokingly) that this place is magic. Things just appear outside of my bedroom door pretty regularly. Granted, I know where most of these things are coming from, but that is entirely beside the point.

Alyssa was actually hit first, when a bag of Tootsie Pops just showed up, balancing on her doorknob. The first time anything materialized outside of my door was on Halloween. Again this included some Tootsie Pops (....I sense a theme here.) Now, we know where both of these little gifts came from.

A couple of weeks ago, I went upstairs for lunch on my reflection day, and when I came back downstairs there was a CD rack/holder/organizer/thing sitting outside of my door. Now, this one is a complete mystery, I have zero idea where it came from. If the phantom gift giver happens to read this-- I appreciate the thought, but I have no use for it, please don't be offended if you happen to see it on the freebie table in the community room. Also- who are you? :)

Slightly related to all of this, it appears that we have secret prayer partners who are especially praying for us everyday while we're here. My prayer partner has left me a couple of cards in my mailbox. I love it, it's been a great surprise every time I check my mailbox and find one, it lifts up my day. So to this secret person, and to all of my Sisters who I know are praying for me everyday- your prayers are working wonders, and I'm praying for you too.

In other news: my family is coming Wednesday to spend Thanksgiving with me here. I'm so excited, I could burst!! 

Manic Monday

I realize it's Friday, but we had the most out-of-the-ordinary kind of Monday this week, it was too good not to post about.

We started with a crazy storm Monday evening that hit soon after I got home from work. It looked ominous the whole drive home, the sky was about to fall. It started with some heavy rain, and then the thunder and lighting made their way in. I hadn't heard until I was back in my room that there was a tornado warning for our area. At 5:00 almost on the dot, there was this HUGE crack of thunder that sounded like it was right on top of us. Within a minute the announcement was made that everyone needed to make their way to the basement, which is where mine and Alyssa's rooms are located. The one side of our hallway has multiple rooms without windows, so we left our own windowed rooms and stood in the hallway, waiting for the Sisters to start making their way in. Everyone gathered in the rooms and in the halls. It was pretty cool having everyone down here, our hall is usually so empty and quiet. Needless to say, it was quite the experience and I had fun sitting and chatting for awhile.

Now, in the midst of all of this, there was already a planned dinner being held here at the Mount for the local fire house that responds whenever there is an alarm or emergency here or at Benetwood. Everyone was wondering if it was still on due to the weather. Roads were flooding, power had to be going out places, we weren't sure if the firemen would be able to make it. Just before 6 we were told everything was still on as planned, and we would be able to go back upstairs.

It was great getting to meet everyone from the firehouse, and I think it's wonderful that the Sisters hold a dinner for them to show their appreciation for all they do. After dinner was done, the Chief got up to say a few words, which included "I need a couple of able bodied volunteers." Every head in the dining room, including everyone from the fire house, turned to stare at Alyssa and I. Clearly, we were being volunteered.

We both got up and stood behind two full sets of fire suits. The deal was that we, with the assistance of a firefighter, were going to race each other into the suit, complete with face mask and oxygen. We were told they have to complete this task, unassisted, in something like a minute and a half. So the race was on, the winner would be the one who got their oxygen mask on and flowing first. Alyssa was fully dressed first, but couldn't get the oxygen to flow because her mask didn't fit properly. After much arguing with the zipper on my jacket, I quickly got everything else on and managed to get the oxygen on. But that wasn't it, we then had to parade around the entire dining room with our 80 pounds of gear on, in boots and pants that didn't fit in any capacity. The Sisters were absolutely in hysterics during this whole thing, it was priceless.

It was honestly an absolute blast, and something I'd kind of always wanted to try. The things they manage to get us to do in this Monastery, it's crazy haha! If it made everyone smile, it was totally worth it to me. I wish their was a video of this whole thing, but the pictures are pretty sweet too.

The race begins.

Getting the oxygen on

The winning team

That would be the Chief jumping in on our photo :)

Jumping In

In some not-so-exciting news: I've been sick again. This time with a sinus infection. So, at least if I'm going to be sick every couple of weeks, my body is changing it up and keeping me guessing. I learned (while at Urgent Care Saturday morning) that Erie is notorious for allergies and asthma, and this sinus infection is probably the result of high amounts of allergens in the air that I'm not used to. I tend to get one or two of these bad boys every year, so I'm sure I'll be going for a record this year considering the air around here.

Alyssa and I are learning very quickly that 1- we are slowly but surely working through the list of everything we can possibly participate in regarding prayer and liturgy and 2- the better we do these things, the more we'll be asked :)  Alyssa did incense at the vigil Saturday night. I don't think anyone can get enough of how she walks when she's in dance-mode.

The two of us also made our "debut" at Liturgy this morning by participating as two of the three servants in The Parable of the Talents. We had a few lines to memorize, 1 in Alyssa's case, and a small paragraph for me (which, by the way, go figure that the lazy servant has the most lines in the whole thing). During the Gospel reading, we had to step out and forward to say our parts. Now, I don't do well memorizing things, I don't do well acting out things, I get so nervous doing stuff like this that I usually just start fumbling and/or stuttering. So despite sweating nearly to death and having a heart racing a mile a minute, I got up and did my part really well (so I was told) and really enjoyed doing it (once it was over with). It was fun, but nothing I'll be jumping up and down to repeat anytime too terribly soon.

But really, I love participating in prayer and liturgy, even as nervous as I tend to get. As one Sister put it to Alyssa and I- the moment you stop getting a little nervous about getting up there, is when you're just not in it the right way. It's a huge part of being here, being a part of their community for this year means fully participating in everything we can. It means a lot to be asked to do these things.

And hey, it's probably good for me to be getting up in front of all these people doing all these things. Granted, I appreciate that fact more after I've gotten through the reading/light rite/recitation, not so much while I'm sitting in my seat waiting to get it over with :)

Road Trip

So this past weekend was our road trip to Ohio Wesleyan to attend the Radical Gospel Living: Monasticism Today conference. It was quite the experience, to say the least. Alyssa and I tagged along to sell Sister Joan Chittister's books at a table at the event.

It was a great treat to see Sister Joan speak on Friday night.  She talked about monasticism and how it is changing to meet the needs of our world today. The only monastic experience out there isn't just the traditional way. There are intentional communities of lay people out there who live out monastic values just the same as this community does. The Monasteries of the Heart movement is about this idea that everyone of us may have a monastic vocation, but desire to live it out in a new way, in a world that is ever changing. Her talk was intense, funny, and eye-opening. After Sister Joan's talk, Alyssa and I had to run back to our table to get ready for the wave of people that wanted to buy books and have them signed. We rounded out our long day of travel and made it back to our hotel well after 10pm.

Saturday was yet another busy day. The conference started with a prayer service at 8:30, followed by several break-out sessions. Alyssa and I manned the table, all morning and into the afternoon. We were able to talk with Sisters from a handful of other Benedictine communities, and with many people attending the conference who had a lot of questions for the two young girls working at Sister Joan's book table.

The second keynote speaker was Shane Claiborne from The Simple Way community in Philadelphia. He and Joan were delivering the same message, but in different styles, and with slightly different slants on the same topic. Again, his talk was very thought provoking, and very entertaining and inspiring. It's all about the simple things each of us can do, especially my generation, to change the world and keep monastic values alive and thriving.

We traveled there and back with a couple of Sisters who were absolutely wonderful to spend time with. We carried on all weekend and had a blast. Nothing like a long car ride to bring out the crazy stories, and endless laughs.

So it was a very good, but extremely tiring weekend. Sunday was much needed to relax and rest up before work began again yesterday. I was happy to see everyone at SBEC and the Kid's Cafe yesterday. One of my girls at the Cafe evidently missed me a lot last week, she asked first thing when she walked in yesterday if I was back yet. It was wonderful to see her smile and to get a huge hug when I snuck up behind her, she made my day :)

Fall Beauty

Today was my reflection day, and I had another chance to spend the day in a hermitage out in the woods. It was much nicer weather today than it was a couple of weeks ago. The sun was out, it was warm, and the leaves are just spectacular right now.

So after my usual time spent reading and taking a nap first thing this morning after I got up to the herm, I decided I absolutely had to take a walk down to the lake. I'm a huge fan of crunchy leaves, I love the way they feel under my feet, and there was an abundance of them everywhere. It was probably the loudest walk of my life. Good luck trying to sneak up on someone out there, it's not possible this time of year.

I started out intending just to walk on the driveway that leads down to the lake at Glinodo, but once I got near the stream, and saw how absolutely beautiful everything looked with the leaves and the trees, I decided to walk along the water. I spent lots of time taking pictures on my phone since I forgot my camera, so they're not as good as I would have liked, but they captured the beauty of it nonetheless (check 'em out below).

I say all the time that I love all the seasons pretty equally, more specifically I like the seasons in their own time. I wish they each lasted 3 months, that would be pretty sufficient- especially for winter which likes to cling for almost 5 months some years. 

But there's something so perfect about fall when the leaves are all turning, and falling. I sat in the herm with all the blinds open this afternoon, and I couldn't get enough of the view of the trees and all the color. The leaves were falling so fast when the wind would pick up. I stood out on the porch in the quiet for a little bit and listened the rustle as they fell from the trees and to the ground.

Today was the most peaceful day I think I've ever had. Maybe it was the leaves. Maybe it was being alone out in the woods. Maybe it was the hour long tape of birds chirping that I listened to while I was reading and sewing (no...I'm not kidding.) Whatever it was, it was much needed.

Community Weekend

To say I'm getting the well rounded Erie Benedictine experience is an understatement. There are so many events I have participated in already, and it's only been about 10 weeks!

This weekend has been community weekend which included the oblate commitment ceremony Saturday night. It has been a jam packed and fun weekend, I'm so tired today! Friday night we played with old toys and played games, and everyone got to act like a kid again, it was crazy fun. All day Saturday we had a speaker who talked to us about healthy living, movement and how every little change we make for the better means something in the long run "the path to good health begins by taking one step at a time."

To the surprise of many who asked, the talks weren't over my head, as they were geared toward an older crowd. It's never too early to make a few healthy changes, it definitely got me thinking. Granted, it's hard to do when there is dessert multiple times a week. It seems we're always celebrating a Birthday or Feast Day, and when it's your special day you get to pick the dessert at dinner. I'd never want to offend anyone by turning down their chocolate frosted brownies or ice cream sundaes. I hear from everyone about how they gained a little weight when they joined the community. The freshman 15 from college was one thing, especially when it's still hanging on for dear life, I don't need the monastery 10 or 15 on top of that :)

I also want to say that it was great getting to meet a few of the Oblates who frequent my blog. It's interesting to me, to have all these people who I've never met before saying "Oh I love your blog/I read it every week/It's nice to finally meet you!" I even had one woman ask me if I was finally feeling better after my 3 week battle with a cold that I mentioned on here. It's pretty cool, I must say. Glad you all like it, can't wait to meet even more of you in the future. Thanks for being my biggest fan base, you rock :)

We read this Prayer of Teresa of Avila on Friday night at the prayer service that kicked off our community weekend. It really grabbed me and held on, this is exactly how I view the work I do everyday, put very beautifully:

"Christ has no body but yours, no hands, no feet on earth but yours. 

Yours are the eyes with which he looks with compassion on this world. 

Yours are the feet with which he walks about doing good. 

Yours are the hands with which he blesses all the world. 

Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, yours are the eyes- 

Christ has no body now on earth but yours."

Amen.

Celebration of Life

I'm not quite sure how to do justice to the events of the last few days, but I'll try.

As I mentioned in my last entry, we lost Sister Margaret Mary this past Sunday. I knew that I would witness a funeral while here this year, I just never thought it would happen so soon.

Wednesday night was her memorial service, and the funeral mass was held last night. I'm absolutely in awe at how this community mourns and celebrates a life well lived. The reverence for the one who has passed is astounding. Her Sisters upheld her all her life, as she died, and as she entered God's Kingdom.

Wednesday night began with a procession with Margaret Mary and the whole community from the chapel into the community room. As we walked through the halls in two lines, we sang "Glorify God. Cherish Christ. Listen to the Spirit. Reverence one another. Uphold all." I'm not sure a more moving experience exists.

Once in the community room, the stories began. There were tears, there were laughs, there was joy in the memories of her life. It's wonderful learning so much more about her, and sharing in some of her greatest memories. Following this we processed back into the chapel for prayers and singing. The funeral last night was absolutely beautiful. It felt like we were literally singing her soul into God's hands.

Witnessing all of this has really just left me in awe. Of course a death is always sad, there have been tears this week, there has been this heavy feeling in our hearts, she is missed terribly. But above all, we should celebrate the life of a lost loved one, always. She has reached her eternal reward, she's with God now. She's no longer in pain, or sick. She has come to full completion with God where she'll live forever.

I didn't know Sister Margaret Mary for very long, but I feel blessed to have met her. She made me feel so welcomed after my commitment ceremony. The morning after the event she grabbed me up, held both my hands, and told me how truly happy she was to have me here, and how much it made her smile to see me everyday. "I just want to keep you here forever!" she told me, in her sweet voice, with the greatest smile on her face, "I just love you so much!"

I love you too Sister Margaret Mary. I miss seeing you across the chapel in prayer, waving to you anytime I walked by you at a meal, and getting a huge kiss on the cheek anytime I stopped to chat. You'll be in our hearts always.

On a totally different note, I want to wish my little sister a happy 14th birthday! I miss you Squirt, and wish I could be there to celebrate with you :)

A Mix of Things

Yesterday Alyssa and I were able to spend a wonderful day with my mentor and some of her family. We went with her and her niece and nephew to Port Farms in Waterford, where we got to play and have a blast. We slid down huge slides, fed some goats, took a tractor ride, picked out some pumpkins and played in a giant pit full of corn kernels, among other things. It was fun playing with a 3 and 5 year old all day, it brings the kid in me right out, and it was just so much fun.

After a few hours spent there, we went back to the kids' farm to celebrate little Bryn's 3rd birthday with their whole family. We met a brand new baby cow, born Saturday night and got to explore their farm a little, and went for a real hay ride on their property. I also made friends with a very tiny baby kitten (who was found inside the house in someone's shoe, courtesy of one of the kids!) who seemed to think my collarbone was an appropriate place to find some food (it tickled, and was the cutest thing ever, hands down.) It was a jam packed day, but it was the perfect way to spend such a gorgeous fall day.

I'm sad to say that Sister Margaret Mary passed away yesterday afternoon. She will be greatly missed, but she's at peace now, she's no longer sick or in pain, she's with God. I will greatly miss her big hugs, and the kiss on the cheek that accompanied each one. Rest in peace Sister, it was a blessing to have known you.

Solitude

n.

1. The state or quality of being alone or remote from others.

2. A lonely or secluded place.

Yesterday was, of course, my reflection day. It was the first one in about a month that I actually relaxed. And didn't stress about all my loan garbage that has been occupying my mind for the last 4 weeks... at least for a little while.
 

I had the use of one of the hermitages out in the woods, which was perfect. I packed a bag and went out to the woods at around 8 in the morning. I napped for most of the morning- and it was glorious. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a nap so much, and it was probably the best sleep I've had in over a week. The rest of my day was spent reading a very good book, and working on my cross stitch. I had an idea to go for a run through the trails in the woods and down to the lake, but the rain moved in right as I was walking back into the Mount. 

It was very different to spend 9 hours in real solitude, in the quiet, with nothing to distract you, nothing to burden you, nothing pressing on you. It was good, it was nice, but man is it overwhelming to be in so much silence. It kind of gets to be too much. I had to turn the radio on while I was working on my sewing for the last hour and a half of my time in the woods, I just needed sound.

It's something I'd like to learn to do better, to really just be. To spend time in real quiet solitude without the incessant need to hear a voice, or to have my phone on me. To completely cut off, and have it be just me and God, just for a few hours. I don't think I could do 24 hours of solitude, but it'd be something to work up to.

In other news, I think this cold of mine is going for a record. We're pushing 3 weeks now. It's definitely not anything like it was last week, but there's this cough that is just hanging on for dear life. Maybe if I ignore it, it will just leave. I think it's just seeking attention. Maybe it will feel neglected and find someone else who will give it attention.

Maybe I should stop referring to it like it's an animate object, that might be the problem :)

Unrelenting

The title has to do with a few things.

1- I'm still sick. Granted, I feel worlds better than I did on Wednesday and Thursday. But this cold will not.let.go. Dear mutant cold: You have given me (all at separate times) a sore throat, sinus headaches, chest congestion, coughing, sneezing, stolen my voice, I've almost cleared through an entire box of tissues, and I missed work last week. I think you've done it all. Move on. Its over. We're through.

2- Alyssa and I have been engrossed in this unending battle with two Sisters and a game called Sequence( see picture below for the game board). I think we've had 4 different face-offs at this point, each time playing numerous rounds of this game. It's the two of us versus the two of them every time. I will admit that they beat us when this all began, as Alyssa and I were still learning the game. But then we ran with it. We've won every time since then. This most recent time on Saturday night, we played 12 hands. We won 8 of those. We could have stopped when it was like 6 to 2, but they apparently just enjoy losing way too much to let up :)

3-  My excitement about being here, and doing this is strong as ever. I find myself sometimes just stopping, and looking at where I am and what I'm doing at that moment, and sometimes I can't believe it. I've said it a million times, I'll say it a million and ten more times, but these women really know how to make you feel welcome. We're not the outsiders, we're not the two young kids running around this place, we're part of their community, even if only for a short time. We were asked to be a big part of the Vigil Saturday night, which to me, is quite the honor. For more on that, check out Alyssa's Blog from this morning, because she pretty much stole the thoughts out of my brain.

4- Also ever increasing is my love of my jobs. SBEC is my big challenge, it's hard adjusting to being a teacher. But it's rewarding, it's fun, and it's growing on me. Kid's Cafe is still where my heart belongs, I feel it more everyday. Even today, when I was just not in the mood for all the attitude I was getting before we served dinner, I was ready to lose it. But I had a few of my girls who I'm growing close to completely turn my mood around. We played outside for a little bit and had a blast. I even had one of the girls try to put braids in my hair while I helped her tie her shoe. I thought it was cute and funny, but it h-u-r-t even though she only managed to keep me still for about 5 seconds. She definitely made my day :)

I guess all I can say is, keep it coming. I'm loving every second of this everyday.

Go team green :)

Blah.

I've got this stupid cold I just can't seem to kick, and it's made for quite the week.

It started last Thursday with a sore throat of epic proportions. The weekend provided no rest for the weary (but I'd have had it no other way!) and Monday came all too soon. Two days of work and I was down for the count as this pesky cold moved it's merry little way into my chest, and has set up shop there.

I woke up Wednesday with zero desire to do much but sleep for a few more hours, 5:45 in the morning was really just not doing it for me. I trudged myself upstairs to the room of our program director and begged to stay home from work. She told me to get back to be PRONTO. Today was my day off from work anyway, so I slept in again. I've only been making appearances at evening prayer and dinner for the past couple of days. Opting for my bed in the morning and lunch in the confines of one of our lounges downstairs in the afternoon.

The best part about today is having approximately no voice left, whatever is coming out is squeaky and raspy. It's adorable, truly. I am sounding a little better than I was this morning and earlier this afternoon though. But, I could still pass for a smoker of 30+ years if you didn't know any better.

With any luck, I'll feel worlds better and be back to work tomorrow. I've missed it. But I've been told approximately a thousand times that taking tomorrow off wouldn't be a bad thing either. We'll see. A little more mucinex, sleep, and soup might just kick it out of me.

I must say, it's pretty great having about a dozen motherly figures running around when you're sick. So much concern, so many different opinions on how I can make myself feel better, so many people fussing that I'm not sleeping enough. All kidding aside, it's really endearing, and much appreciated.

The warnings come constantly though "you're working with kids, you're going to get every illness in the book. Why, my first year teaching I had....." and insert every horrifying illness you can think of. I joked last night at dinner that I'm going to make an "Illness BINGO" card, and see how long it takes me to win. I've got two I could mark off so far. I'm not sure that's a game I want to win though, eek!

I haven't felt healthy in almost two weeks now. I'm ready to be back in tip-top shape. Now, if only my body would cooperate! It's not even winter yet, I don't need to be sick this early in the season!

Please send healthy thoughts my way. In the mean time, I'll still be making best friends with my Mucinex and a box of tissues.

"Cry Jubilee!"

To say this weekend was simply great would be an understatement. It was tremendous, wonderful, awesome, fantastic, and all around a great time (did I get enough adjectives in there?) It was Jubilee weekend here at the Mount, and it was definitely one to remember.

We have a new Riepper (that's our little nickname around here) on board, she joined us last Monday. We've been getting to know her a little here and there throughout the week. Friday night the three of us were sent to dinner, courtesy of the Mount, because they were having a very special "Sisters Only" dinner for the Jubilarians celebrating 60 years with the community. So we enjoyed a nice dinner at a local restaurant, and caught the last few minutes of the sunset out on the peninsula before rounding the night off with some ice cream. Not a bad way to spend a Friday.

Saturday was the big day, and the big celebration for the 4 Sisters celebrating 25 and 50 years with the community. Alyssa and I were drafted to help in various areas of set up and clean up before and after the event. We set up chairs and tables, and decorated. We arranged some very yummy looking cookie trays (and taste tested, of course!), and we directed traffic in the parking lot (on a side note- I'd like to thank the people who actually 1-stopped and 2- listened to me when I told them where to park. You're all wonderful, thank you!)

The ceremony itself was really beyond words, it was very moving, and there was so much energy in the room. It's really something else to be a part of these women renewing their monastic vows. Lots of singing, dancing, and celebrating. It was a wonderful afternoon.

The ceremony was followed later by a big party in town. Alyssa and I popped in after helping with some clean up here at the Mount. We were about as tired as could be, but couldn't pass up the opportunity to celebrate a little more. It was SO much fun. I was finally pulled onto the dance floor by the end of the night, and did a crazy dance to some Irish music. Extra thanks to my dance partner, we were smooth as could be!

Sunday was a less hectic day. After Liturgy in the morning, Alyssa and I spent most of the day running around town. The weather all weekend was immaculate, and we wanted to be out in it as much as possible. We went on a bit of a wild goose chase trying to find Mason's, a local farmer's market type place. We played around, fed some animals, got lost in a tiny corn maze and got some yummy cider and apples. Our next goal is to find a place with a huge corn maze (if anyone has any ideas of good ones in the area, let me know!)

Last night we made it back down to the peninsula to watch the sunset and have a bit of a picnic. After it was dark we headed downtown to the observation deck to get some pictures of the city lights. It was still so warm and beautiful out, it's unreal that it's almost the middle of October and still so nice. It won't last long though, but while it's here it's a blessing for sure!

Today both of my usual ministries are closed thanks to the holiday, but I'm helping work on the Sisters new home page. It's nice taking it a little easier today after such a hectic weekend. Plus I'm trying to kick a crummy cold that's been after me since Thursday.

I'm hoping this beautiful weather holds out for as long as possible. I'm not ready for the cold just yet!

Beautiful sunset Sunday night

Looking through the trees from the road

Lights down on the waterfront

I made a friend at Mason's

On the Mend

So Alyssa was sick with a cold last Saturday that left her laid up in bed all day while I played nurse. Yesterday, it was my turn. I woke up with a touch of a stomach bug bright and early at 5am that persisted into the evening. Not my ideal way to spend a day, sleeping and feeling so blah. But at least I feel better today. Many thanks to my wonderful nurse who got me numerous cups of ice, tummy medicine, and put up with my crabbing all day. And many thanks to the Sisters who are exceptionally motherly when they catch wind that either of us is sick, it's much appreciated!

Sickness aside, this weekend was quite a good one, if only for Friday night games alone.  I cannot even begin to do it justice, but I've never laughed that hard in my life. It was our usual gaming group, with a new-ish game up to try, and man was it ridiculous in every sense of the term. It was a really great way to spend a Friday night.

Saturday Alyssa and I ventured to Edinboro University to check out their open house. Turns out there wasn't much there for graduate students, it was mostly high school seniors lost in the cell phones while mom and dad asked all the important questions and got all the relevant info. But we did get the chance to talk to the grad admissions rep and get some important questions answered, while also filling out our applications for FREE. Gotta love it. It sounds like a really good, flexible program, it'd be really nice to get in. I should have an answer by the end of the month!

Today it was back to work, and it turned out to be a hectic day, but a good one nevertheless. My morning started out with finding a monarch butterfly on the ground just outside the van door this morning at work. I picked it up to move it off into the trees, and it was really neat to hold a butterfly on my hand like that. I put the picture below on Facebook this morning, and as one comment said "God has gently touched you." What an amazing way to look at it.

Good Days

This week has been very good, but exhausting. I'm so happy for the relaxed day today. Granted, it won't be so relaxed when I start to tackle my loan paperwork again after lunch, but I'm enjoying the peace while I've got it right now.

I've had a very good few days at work. At SBEC I've been doing the job retention classes, which are different everyday depending on who I have coming. It feels so good to end a 2 hour long session knowing we've made some progress.

The kids at the Kid's Cafe are growing on me more and more everyday, and it honestly breaks my heart to have to tell them every Wednesday that I won't be there the next day. Yesterday I had more kids than usual wanting my attention and seeking me out to play. It was the first time in the two weeks that I've been there that I had any of the boys actually want to hang out and play a game or two. It's exciting that they are starting to warm up to me more everyday. I'm not just the random white girl in the room anymore, I'm Miss Carrie, I'm here almost everyday, and I really enjoy spending time with you. Progress, I love it.

Two other women got hired about the same time I came on as a volunteer, and yesterday the three of us walked down to the street corner to watch the kids as they walked over from school. The kids were screwing around, shoving, fighting, running in the streets. They were going nuts. As I stood out there, a Sister who lives nearby had come out too, and we were chatting as we watched the kids acting wild and praying no one got hit by a car. She asked me if the kids were difficult to handle at the Cafe, and I said "of course there are hard days, but good too. With so many kids, you never really know what you're in for day to day." 

Not long after I said that, one of our younger girls started to cross the street, she saw me and yelled "MISS CARRRRIIIIEEEEE" and ran up to me for a huge hug. The Sister turned to me and said "But I bet that right there makes it all worth it." And that is absolutely the truth, and it's why I'm there.

My Daily Grind

I thought I'd give a little rundown about where I'm working for the next 5 months.

My mornings from 8:30-12:30 are spent at the Saint Benedict Education Center, it's a program that includes "intensive case management, academic remediation, job readiness preparation, job development and job placement assistance." More specifically, my actual job everyday includes tutoring 1-on-1 English and math skills with refugees, assisting as needed in the classrooms, as well as running small job retention classes.

My afternoons from about 1:00-5:00 are spent at Sister Gus' Kid's Cafe, which is part of the Emmaus Ministries. The Kids Cafe is an after school program for kids in the inner-city schools, most of whom are coming from very poor and disadvantaged families. We provide the kids with dinner, and a safe space to spend a few hours after school. I'm in charge of managing the kitchen and volunteers that help prepare the meals everyday, as well as providing homework help with the kids, and overall just spending time interacting with the kids and playing.

Both of these jobs are very challenging, but so rewarding. I never thought in a million years I would be teaching and tutoring so extensively. But the participants at SBEC make it so rewarding to work with them. They are so eager to learn, they desperately want any kind of help we can give them. Right now, I'm working with a participant from Somalia everyday, he can speak English and hold up a decent conversation with the English he knows, but absolutely cannot read or write. He knows his letters, but can't make sense of them as sounds and words. I've been working with him for a couple of weeks now, and yesterday he recognized and read 3 words while I was working with him on flashcards trying to identify opposites. I was so excited I nearly danced around the room! On the walk back down the hall to the classroom, I told him how great he had done during our lesson. He told me that he felt like he could learn it now, like I was finally helping him make sense of this thing he has struggled so hard with. It's minor progress, and he has a long way to go before he's reading on his own, but it's a step in the right direction, and it felt awesome for both of us.

The Kid's Cafe was my first choice of ministry placement, and it had been from the time I knew I was doing this program. It's not easy, by any means, to work daily with inner-city, street tough kids. But there is something so rewarding when these kids drop their defenses, and start to trust you, and they just behave like a kid. Most of these kids aren't coming from much, and they don't always have the best life at home. But at the Cafe we give them a place to just be a kid, where they can be away from whatever troubles they face at home, school, or out on the streets. There's one little girl who I've made a really good connection with over the last week, she walks in everyday now looking for me wanting help on her homework before we go play about 1,000 rounds of mancala. She's a bright girl, and adorable as can be, but she has an extremely rough home life. It's heartbreaking to know what she comes from, but at the same time it makes it all the more special to me to spend time with her for a little bit everyday. It's the same with all the kids there, if nothing else, I'm a stable person who they know they're going to see 4 days a week. Some of them may never really get close to any of us that work there everyday, but they know we're there for them, and that's what matters.

Click here for a link to the Sister's webpage about their ministries to see a little more about where I'm working, as well as the other ministries provided by the Sisters.

To end on a completely different note, Gannon University has been hosting some Tibetan Monks this week for a series of presentations. They are also constructing a sand mandala to be dissolved in Lake Erie. Alyssa and I made it out to see the Monks on Monday night with a few of the Sisters. Monday night's presentation was on song, dance and chant, and it was an amazing experience. I was able to take a few videos of the Monks chanting, here's one of them:

Well, It's Official!

Saturday marked my official commitment to the Benedicta Riepp program!! I can't believe the first month has flown by so fast!

My family came out for the weekend, which included my Mom, brother, sister, our grandma, and 4 close family friends, two of whom live here in Erie. It was so great to see everyone and to share this special place with them.

The commitment ceremony was held Saturday night right after prayer at the beginning of dinner. As our families and the Sisters looked on, Alyssa and I expressed our desire to live and work here with the Sisters for the next 11 months, promising to live by the Rule of Benedict. I have to admit I was scared stiff at having to speak in front of such a large crowd, but it was a very moving ceremony, I loved every second of it. We stood in front of the community, as they all raised their hands and prayed over us, blessing us and promising to help us on this journey. It's pretty powerful stuff. This community really knows how to make someone feel welcomed beyond measure.

Lots of fun and games followed after the ceremony and dinner. My family, Alyssa's family, and a handful of Sisters played Catchphrase for awhile. My family and I played a few intense hands of Spoons back at our hermitage. It was loads of fun. It was a great way to round out such a wonderful evening.

It really was such a spectacular weekend. Having my family here was so wonderful, I'm so incredibly happy that I was able to see them for a couple of days, and to share in such a special event with them. I overwhelmingly have felt the love this weekend, from my family, and this community of women.

I know the coming months will be full of ups, and downs. I know some days I'm going to really wonder what I got myself into, yet other days I'm going to look at it all and know I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. I know that no matter what, I've got a lot of people standing beside me as I take on this adventure. God is with me every step of the way, and I'm putting my trust in Him.

I'm very excited to see what these coming months bring. I'll update again soon with some information about the ministries I'll be working in. I'm thinking this is enough for today :)

Here's the link to the Sister's official website, where we have a nice little write up and some great photos from the ceremony.

Reading my statement of promise as my mentor Sister Ann looks on

Receiving a blessing from the community

Me, my Mom, my Grandma and Sister Sallie

Decisions, Decisions

I'm in the middle of a crazy busy week, there's so much going on in these last days before our commitment ceremony. Work, meetings, and some major decisions to be made about my ministry placement(s) for the next 5 months or so. Eek! Good thing I have a reflection day tomorrow so I can just relax and reflect and really spend some solid time deciding where I'd like to be.

Speaking of my reflection day, we sent one of the Sisters into a bit of a fit after she read both of our posts about our reflection days and how we don't really know what to do with ourselves some weeks. So she snatched us up after prayer last week and drew us this very elaborate (see below) map of the local public library. She absolutely insists that we get out of the monastery for the whole day, and go set up shop in one of the big comfy chairs by the huge windows that overlook the water. She told us to just go read, relax, reflect, and nap if the mood so strikes us. So I'm thinking that will be my adventure tomorrow.

In other news, I'm discovering more and more how utterly goofy some of these women can be. It seems like every time I get in the car with a couple of Sisters, I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. Whether we're driving to work at 7:30 in the morning, or driving to or from some event in town, it's always a wildly entertaining and absolutely ridiculous car ride. Anytime we get together and play a game or two in the evening also almost always promises to be an outrageously funny time.

Everyone keeps telling Alyssa and I that they hope we're behaving. In some instances, I'd say they should probably be a little more concerned about some of the Sisters behaving. But I mean, we're not instigators or anything. We'd never do that :)

Handy map of the local library

Rainy Day

Some advice I got today from my mentor:

"Ya know, even Jesus knew the beauty of just going off and sleeping for awhile."

It just made me smile first thing this morning, as I walked from morning prayer to breakfast, debating whether or not I would work a nap into my list of things to do today. Needless to say, I was sold haha!

I had initially intended for a nice bike ride today, but the weather spoiled that. But maybe instead God has different plans for me today, like the nap I took earlier, or some extra time to read my book on the side, outside of my little assignments. I might just go relax and stretch for a bit while listening to some music, and let that be my way of feeding my body today. We'll see what the day brings, the dreary weather could break soon and maybe I can get in a walk.

Part of my assignment today is to listen to a talk on a cassette tape, which is proving to be more challenging than I initially thought. I grew up with cassette tapes and players, they're not foreign technology to me. But the tape player is not cooperating. It's currently winning the battle, and it's not looking so good for me. I'll save round 2 for after lunch!

I've also decided in the last few days that God has a really good sense of humor. Summer literally ended the day before Labor Day. One day it's in the 80's and humid beyond all belief. The next it's chilly and rainy. Zero transition time, just *BOOM* here's fall. But, I have heard that it's expected to get a little warmer, up into the 70's, again before fall really settles in.

This time of year just always leaves me wondering, when the temperature drops like this, will that be it until spring? I wish there was a warning that came with the last summer-like day of the season: "Hey, enjoy this, because that's all you're getting for like 8 months!!"

If only :)

Reflection Days

So every Wednesday I get a reflection day. On this day, I don't have to go to work. I'm still required to get up for prayer in the morning, but then I have all day to relax, reflect, and just be. It's really nice, but man is it hard to fill a whole day with relaxation.

Sounds crazy, but try it sometime.

Spending a full day from about 7am until 6pm in quiet reflection isn't easy at first. It's honestly hard not to curl up in bed after breakfast and sleep until a more (at least for me!) acceptable time. But! I am being broken of my night owl tendencies pretty quickly. It's about 9:40 right now, and I could have gone to bed at 8:30 and really not thought twice about it.

But here I am, blogging to my faithful readers :)

I gotta say, it's a little weird to adjust to at first, but spending a day reflecting is such a great thing. It's really rejuvenating, in a way that simple sleep alone can't compare to. As we've been told, these days are meant to restore our minds, our bodies and our spirits. Sleeping might restore my body, but my mind and spirit would miss out on a lot of good things.

Every week I'm given a Psalm to read and pray on. I pick out something, a phrase or even a single word that grabs me. "What is God saying to me today?" and it's a really nice way to not just read Scripture, but to wholly ingest it. I make it my own by reflecting on what exactly it says to me. It's really pretty cool.

Beyond that, we've been assigned some books to read on defining the self, and becoming who you are meant to be. I've always found it hard to do that, especially when I'm so young and have a lot of experiences ahead of me.

But then, in my reading yesterday I stumbled across this: "God desires for us to be the person we were created to be: to be simply and purely ourselves and in this state to love God and let ourselves be loved by God."

And that's who I'm trying to find, through all this work, prayer, reflection. But putting it that way, and thinking on it as I have for the last couple of weeks, I don't have to dig that far. It's not about redefining who I think I am, or who I think I'm supposed to be. It's just realizing that I'm exactly who God intends me to be.

Nothing sounds more beautiful than that.

Weekend Happenings, and Then Some

It was a great weekend here in Erie. Alyssa's grandparents visited for a few hours Saturday afternoon, and it was really great to see them. Otherwise the afternoon was spent relaxing and reading, one of my absolute favorite ways to spend an afternoon.

That evening we were invited for a night out at the Zabawa Polish Festival in town. What.a.blast. We ran into quite a few familiar faces, watched (but did not join!) some great polka dancing, and enjoyed some great Polish food and drinks. Na zdrowie!

Sunday was another great day to relax and enjoy the beautiful weather. Liturgy was great in the morning, and was followed by the chance to play with a visiting dog named Bear. I may or may not have really wanted to dog-nap him, but I refrained! After lunch Alyssa and I packed up our bikes into her car and headed out to the peninsula for an afternoon ride. We went about 6 miles round trip, and it felt great! The view was spectacular the whole ride, I can't quite get enough of spending time on Presque Isle, and we're trying to soak it all up before the snow flies.

Today has been a day jam packed with work, and it's been a really great day. I spent the morning at the food pantry, handing out boxes of food this time. The people who came down the line were more than happy to strike up a good conversation, and all just so thankful to see some smiling faces. One man told every one of us as he walked down the line "I prayed for you this morning, thank you so much for what you do." and it's really stuck with me all day.

My afternoon was spent at the Saint Benedict's Education Center where I helped out in a classroom of refugees. They were learning about money, grocery shopping, and getting change back, but we started the lesson off with a few songs that they all really enjoyed. I somehow agreed to lead them in singing "Row Row Row Your Boat" and "The More We Get Together" all by myself, and their smiles were priceless as they listened and then joined in. They were all in such good spirits, and kept me laughing all afternoon. I had such a great time with them, and I can't wait to go back tomorrow to the same room.

But the day is not done! Alyssa and I are going to a SeaWolves baseball game tonight with a group of Sisters, and I'm beyond excited. It should without a doubt be a fun filled evening!

Week 1 is in the Books!

And what a crazy week its been, jumping around to a few of the ministries and getting used to life at the Mount.

My favorites this week were Saint Benedict's Day Care where I spent a few hours Thursday morning and then running around AIM and Benetvision Friday, helping out with all things technological.

I love little kids, and spending the morning with them Thursday made my heart absolutely smile. I had five 2 year olds, and man were they adorable. It's such a cute, innocent age. I love it when they still like to sit in your lap and snuggle up to you, or find the greatest thrill in being picked up and spun around. Their giggles were absolutely infectious. I definitely hope to be going back again in the coming weeks.

I had a great time in the offices Yesterday for Benetvision and the Alliance for International Monasticism. For Benetvision I did the HTML formatting for their weekly newsletter publication, and I loved it. I hadn't done work like that since I was in middle school, and I forgot how much I really enjoy it. I also helped out with various computer related issues in the AIM office, tackling the chore of importing an address book with over 700 entries from one program to another. I have a feeling I may be snatched up as a bit of tech support for the offices on the 4th floor!

Overall it has been a great, fun and at times relaxing week. I've enjoyed all the work I've done in the ministries everyday, and I'm enjoying the chance to slow down and just be. My days are jam packed from when I wake up around 5:45 in the morning, until I go to bed around 10pm, but it's surprisingly relaxing, and I'm loving it all so far.

So here's to a great weekend, and I can't express how excited I am to not have to work on the weekend for the first time in almost 4 years. I don't know what's in store for the rest of the day, but I'm sure it will be fun!

A Change of Pace

Well, I'm here and all moved in to my new home for the next year. It's been a good couple of days, taking the weekend to get settled in and start the process of adjusting to life at the Mount. Saturday was filled with lots of warm welcomes from the community. Sunday was a perfect day with Liturgy in the morning and the chance for Alyssa and I to explore Erie a little. It just felt really nice to have a Sunday afternoon completely free to relax and just enjoy. That evening we were taught a card game by some of the Sisters that I'm sure we'll be quizzed on soon, I probably should have taken better notes!

Today started our month long adventure of trying out all the different ministries, we have a busy and exciting week ahead. My day started out at the food pantry where I helped check everyone in. I was very humbled by the interactions I had with almost every person who came through the line this morning. Having worked for years in customer service of some kind or another, I have found that a fair share of people just never seem happy, they always seem to have something to be grumpy about. Yet today, I sat for hours greeting and talking to so many people, who for whatever personal reasons, needed help in providing food for their families. But not one person I spoke with today had anything negative to say, they smiled and carried on like they were on top of the world. Over and over again I would hear them say the same things "Ya know, I'm not having a great couple of days, but I'm blessed. I'm alive, and I am blessed."

Isn't that something we should consider a little more? I know I should. I have days that just aren't the best, we all do, but I need to stop and remember I have so much to be thankful for.

These last few days have been a good change of pace. I'm finding more time to relax, and to just stop and enjoy simple things like this gorgeous weather or the chance to go for a walk in the woods after dinner. It's nice doing work that feels more fulfilling than what I've been doing all summer. It's nice to slow down a little. I'm looking forward to the experiences of the next few days.

Without a doubt I can say that I am blessed.

Peace,
Carrie

(Photo courtesy of Alyssa-- a beautiful evening sky on a Sunday night walk around the grounds)

The #1 Question

So the biggest question I get from people when I tell them about what I'm doing this coming year (besides- are you becoming a nun?) is simply this: why?

And that's honestly one of the hardest questions to answer about anything. It's hard to make someone understand something that you feel deeply, when you don't really know quite how to put it into words to begin with. You just feel it, you just know, so how do you explain why?

I couldn't explain why I applied and went on the trip to Poland. I couldn't explain why I really signed up for my first retreat, or why I went on a couple more and even lead one. I couldn't explain why I chose to become a Catholic, or why I shaved my head and donated all my hair. It's just what I felt called to do. And all of these things have changed my life in so many ways, they were some of the biggest blessings over my four years in college.

It's the same with this coming year. Maybe I can't explain why because I don't fully understand it, because God is guiding my life where I'm meant to be, and I know I'm going to grow so much in the process.

I have faith in that. I don't need to understand why, not right away. I just have to be open, and ready for what is to come.

Could I just go on and start grad school right now? Sure, I got accepted after all but turned it down. Or couldn't I just get a real job and run headlong into the working world? Sure. But that's not my purpose, that's not my calling, that's not God's plan for me right now in this coming year. I'm scared because I could really put myself behind financially in these coming months, and because that's one more year added on until I have my Master's degree, but that can't be what drives my life.

So here I am, now only 4 days away from the next chapter of my life. I finished my job at Cracker Barrel today, and while it's been a pretty good 15 months with them and I've made some wonderful friends there, I'm happy to see it come to a close. It means my life is moving forward.

So to get back to that little, but oh so loaded question of "why?"-- I don't know. But part of the point is to figure that out, and to be able to better express my purpose and my understanding of who I am in these coming months.

I'm a work in progress I guess. And I like being that way, it means I'm always growing and changing, I hope always for the better.

So I guess the real countdown is on now. 4 days isn't much at all. And there is so much to do in these coming days, it's going to be crazy. I'm a little nervous as the days tick down, but I'm getting more and more excited for what's to come. I just need to remind myself to pray, it's all going to be OK, and I'm ready for it.

Peace,
Carrie

The (failed) Art of Packing

Packing is, in short, absurd.

I've never mentioned on here how much I really just don't like the chore of packing. It wasn't really terrible when I used to be able to just take everything from school, leave it stored in the basement untouched all summer, and then drag it upstairs again come August, load up the car, and be on my way.

This time though, I don't need half of what I used to have at school. No kitchen stuff is a biggie. That saves me a lot of space. And that part is easy, all the kitchen stuff is in 2 massive containers downstairs. Done and done.

But it's going to be hard to condense down everything else for this coming year. The biggest thing is clothes- I have way too many. I'm a girl, what do you want from me? And I think almost all of us have a little weight fluctuation while in college, so a lot of this stuff doesn't fit anymore, it's just around in case I lose a few pounds and my current stuff stop fitting. Honestly, I need to just clear out my large duffel bag already and stop hanging onto quite so much clothing. If I happen to need a couple new pairs of pants in the next few months I can go out and buy them. In the mean time, I don't have a lot of space for a mound of "what-if" clothing.

Ok, so there's a promise to myself, I'm going to march upstairs and clean out that massive bag once and for all.

I'm also huge on decorating my room, I always have been since I was a kid. I like a lot on my walls or on my shelves to make a space feel homey and comfortable. I have a few knick-knacks I always like to have on my desk or dresser, I have lots of pictures/posters/etc that I like to have on my walls. I like to put myself into my room, make it my own. And I really like to have things to look at while I'm falling asleep and my mind wanders endlessly.

I went through a lot of this stuff earlier this afternoon and condensed it down quite a bit. Most of what I'm taking is going to be pictures, I'm an absolute picture nut. But I am definitely trying to tone it down from what I've decorated my room with in the past, my walls would be covered in posters, a couple flags, pictures everywhere. I'm not decorating a dorm room anymore, so I'm trying to simplify it. I will probably pack more decorative stuff than I will use, but I'll see how I can transform my little room at the Mount into my own little sanctuary, without going overboard.

So I guess I'm trying to find my happy medium between packing way too much stuff (which is my usual) and not having enough, or more specifically, the things I really need. It's amazing how much stuff just accumulates in 4 years. I still even have stuff in boxes upstairs in my sister's closet (my old room) from when I was in high school. A lot of it needs to just be thrown away finally. But it's hard to just throw out things that hold memories. Same with a lot of this stuff from the last four years, there's a lot of memories there.

But, I know how good it feels to donate old clothes, books and things I know I'll never touch again. It feels good to finally make some free space (the possibilities are endless for it!) But above all, it's that much less crud that I have to move out someday when I have my own place again :)

Hopefully I'll stop pushing off this packing thing. I've done a couple of hour-long stints in the last couple of weeks, just trying to get a start on it, which is the hardest part. But I keep stopping, "eh, it will be easier to pack when it's almost time to go." hellllllloooooooo, it is almost time to go, we're talking less than two weeks here! And I keep reminding myself that I don't want to spend my last few days home worrying about packing, I just want to spend those last three days after I finish work and before I leave just relaxing with my family, instead of running around like a lunatic and just cramming stuff into this box or that bag.

Wish me luck with the rest of this beastly task, I know it's not going down without a fight!

Peace,
Carrie

August....already?

It's ridiculous how fast the time flies sometimes. Forget that it feels like just yesterday that I graduated college and my summer started, it also feels like just yesterday that I was gearing up for my freshman year to start.
 
It's weird, not getting myself ready to start another year at Canisius. It was always a mixed feeling of excitement and apprehension once August began and the countdown to move-in started. Buying stuff for my dorm/apartments, getting school supplies, spending a fortune on books (ick). I'd always be so excited to get back to the city I love, and seeing my friends again that I live so far away from. I'd be excited at the thought of the new classes I would be taking, and seeing my favorite professors. I'd promise myself at the start of every year that I would be totally on top of all my work and be the best student ever-but that would wear off by the third week of class when I was sick of reading and papers haha!

And then the countdown to the end of the semester would begin. When the newness and excitement would wain and I'd be itching to make it through another semester of late nights filled with papers and reading, on top of a hectic work schedule. My stress level would start to rise, and I just couldn't wait to hit that finish line, blast through all my final papers and projects, and get that reward of my grades at the end. Somehow, still in tact.

I loved being a college kid, stress and all. I loved every moment of it, but I did always push myself to the next days/week/month/semester way too fast. It flew by me, and sometimes I didn't stop enough to really appreciate the greatest time of my life, because the stress was just too high some weeks to focus on anything else.

So here I am now, both longing for that feeling of gearing up for a new year at Canisius, but at the same time relieved that I don't have to deal with the stress of another academic year. Not right now anyway.

I'm gearing up for something totally new and exciting. I'm moving onto the next big step in my life in just 19 days, and I'm moving somewhere brand new to me. I'll once again pack up most of my life into my little red car, and drive westward toward another new beginning. This time though, I'll bypass the city I have grown to love so much for the last 4 years, and continue two hours more onto my new home for the next year at the Mount. It's going to be an emotional day, I know I'll probably cry more than once on that long car ride, as my thoughts race and I imagine what's in store for me, and I'm always sad to say by to my family and my pup at the end of another extended time home.

It's surreal to think that it's only 19 days away. The big move is almost staring me in the face. I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm nervous, and I'm not yet ready for my summer to be done. I pray the next 19 days take their time. As much as I'm sick of work, and can't wait until my last shift on the 16th, I also don't want to wish away these final days home with my family and my dogs.

I need to remind myself to slow down and enjoy the moment more often. It's something I'd like to work on in the coming months and year. I don't need to wish my time away, it's marching on fast enough on its own. Instead of watching the time pass, willing it to go just a little quicker to reach the end of the work day, or whatever, I need to watch everything else going on around me. Everyday is its own, and I need to savor that day, because no matter how good or bad a day, or an entire week might feel, I'll never get those moments back.

So here's my promise to myself to enjoy the coming days as much as possible, work included (haha!), and to stop focusing on that number of days left. I don't need to countdown the days, they're doing that for me on their own. My job is to just enjoy what they bring.


Peace,
Carrie