Pictures

After lunch this afternoon, I came back to my room and was looking around on facebook for a few minutes before getting back into my reading and reflecting for the day. And I found myself browsing through all my old profile photos, the ones that I picked to represent myself right up at the front, to everyone who visits my page. Here's me, in a nutshell. Here's how I want you to see me.

As I was flipping though them, I got to the ones of me as a high school senior and a freshman and sophomore in college. And I found myself saying "man, that's just not me anymore. I look nothing like that."

In the midst of my looking, I saw it had hit 1 o'clock, so I signed off and picked up a paper I was given last week to use to reflect on. The first question underlined in the text was this: "What are your hopes for the future as you reflect on the years that have passed?" Pretty neat, huh? That's exactly what I was thinking about as I was putzing around for 15 minutes before I got back to work.

Looking back on myself in photos, and thinking about who I was and where I was when they were taken, I know that I'm not the same person. The most obvious difference is my appearance- I used to have long hair, now I don't, I haven't since junior year. But it's not just that. Junior year of college was one of the most important years of my life, so much happened. I became Catholic, I went on the service trip to Poland, I helped raise $1,300 for cancer research and donated all of my hair, Alyssa and I had our own place and had to deal with the real problems of rent, bills and living paycheck to paycheck, I came here to the Mount for the first time, I finally let people out of my life that were toxic for me. If I had to sum that whole year up in one photo, it would be the one below of me right after I gave all my hair. It was the most outward representation of so much that was changing within me.

I'm not the same girl I was when I was 17 or 19 or 21. I'm not the same person I was this time last year or even just 5 months ago when I began this program. Who I am right now won't be the exact same person I am a year from now, or even 8 months from now. Yes, I look different, I look older, maybe I look wiser [or so I'd like to think :)] but it's beyond that.

I'm different in how I think, how I feel, how I love, how I pray, how I feel God move in me, how I feel the pull of my life, my desires, my hopes and my dreams.

My hopes for the future are that I will continue to grow into the person God intends for me to be, and I know that God desires for me to be happy with who I am, no matter what. I believe this process will be lifelong, but I hope to always be happy with who I am in that moment.

I'll never be embarrassed or ashamed of "who I used to be" anytime I look back on my life, but only proud to see how far I've come year after year. I know that I am only who I am today, because of who I was then. And I'll always find peace in knowing that at that time then, and this time now, I'm exactly where God wants me to be.

Now, I can't title a post "Pictures" and not include a few :)

 

Sophomore Year

Junior Year

Senior Year