The #1 Question

So the biggest question I get from people when I tell them about what I'm doing this coming year (besides- are you becoming a nun?) is simply this: why?

And that's honestly one of the hardest questions to answer about anything. It's hard to make someone understand something that you feel deeply, when you don't really know quite how to put it into words to begin with. You just feel it, you just know, so how do you explain why?

I couldn't explain why I applied and went on the trip to Poland. I couldn't explain why I really signed up for my first retreat, or why I went on a couple more and even lead one. I couldn't explain why I chose to become a Catholic, or why I shaved my head and donated all my hair. It's just what I felt called to do. And all of these things have changed my life in so many ways, they were some of the biggest blessings over my four years in college.

It's the same with this coming year. Maybe I can't explain why because I don't fully understand it, because God is guiding my life where I'm meant to be, and I know I'm going to grow so much in the process.

I have faith in that. I don't need to understand why, not right away. I just have to be open, and ready for what is to come.

Could I just go on and start grad school right now? Sure, I got accepted after all but turned it down. Or couldn't I just get a real job and run headlong into the working world? Sure. But that's not my purpose, that's not my calling, that's not God's plan for me right now in this coming year. I'm scared because I could really put myself behind financially in these coming months, and because that's one more year added on until I have my Master's degree, but that can't be what drives my life.

So here I am, now only 4 days away from the next chapter of my life. I finished my job at Cracker Barrel today, and while it's been a pretty good 15 months with them and I've made some wonderful friends there, I'm happy to see it come to a close. It means my life is moving forward.

So to get back to that little, but oh so loaded question of "why?"-- I don't know. But part of the point is to figure that out, and to be able to better express my purpose and my understanding of who I am in these coming months.

I'm a work in progress I guess. And I like being that way, it means I'm always growing and changing, I hope always for the better.

So I guess the real countdown is on now. 4 days isn't much at all. And there is so much to do in these coming days, it's going to be crazy. I'm a little nervous as the days tick down, but I'm getting more and more excited for what's to come. I just need to remind myself to pray, it's all going to be OK, and I'm ready for it.

Peace,
Carrie